As a child I didn’t have a camera but I did have an imagination and a natural eye for composition. I would spend most of my time in my room painting and was happy with my own company.
Again at school we didn’t have the option to do photography but I remember seeing a darkroom in my art teacher’s back room. It was like a secret room that only special people could enter which made it all the more appealing. She said that one day I would be able to develop a photograph in there – I never did.
At college I chose to do photography, art, art history and media studies – all subjects that I loved with real passion. Photography was totally new to me and opened up a whole other world. I now looked with my eyes in a totally new way and it was exciting to be able to capture moments in time as photographs.
At University I chose photography over painting. I did however do a foundation year which covered art history, drawing, painting, photography and sculpture. The foundation was brilliant, incredibly varied and so much fun. I would very often make sculptures and remember once walking home with a man slung over my shoulder who was nailed to a chair and covered in latex (he wasn’t real).
The remaining three years of my Uni course were entirely focused on photography and the history of photography. It was the most fun that I had ever had. We would be given a subject title and a brief and would be sent off for a day or two so that we could produce our images. Then we all came back together again to have our critiques.
The critiques were fantastic. A group of like-minded, creative people (photographers) sat in a room and bouncing ideas off each other. The adrenaline was incredible. I knew that I wasn’t a bad photographer , in fact I knew that I was pretty good but there was always one thing that was in the back of my mind that bugged me.
Photographs Captured
I felt like a cheat! I spent the whole of my University course dreaming of things to photograph the next day, and creative projects that I would later embark on. And no, before you start thinking that I was on something, I wasn’t. I may have gone out and had a few drinks with friends but that was it. I loved my course and worked incredibly hard whilst I was at Uni. I wanted to leave with a 1st Class B.A. honours degree and as far as I was concerned that was my goal and I was not going to fail.
I would have the most incredible, vivid dreams and I didn’t have to think hard to remember them, they were there ready and waiting for me to pick up my camera. In my dreams I would very often find myself inside a photographer’s gallery and would walk around it taking in the photographs, absorbing every tiny detail from each individual image. I was eventually so trained at dreaming that I could wake up from a dream and send myself back to the same dream.
What I did notice was that in times when I was stressed my dreams would stop. I would wake up even more upset and would try to go back to sleep desperate to be shown the way.
I did leave Uni with a 1st Class honours degree and was chuffed but at the same time I still felt as though part of me had cheated. I had a sense of guilt as though I had copied even though it was in fact myself whom I had copied from.
Photography Jobs
Post Uni I searched for photographic jobs only to be told time and time again that I was “too qualified but not experienced enough”. What had I worked so hard for? What was the point in putting my heart and soul into getting a 1st when it wasn’t what employers wanted?
I ended up moving back in with my parents. To me I was a failure. From the high of getting the best grades at Uni, to working in various factories and temping in non-related jobs – what was going to become of me?
I ended up working as a temp at a furniture company – now that’s another story and one best left for another time… After 4 years there I had to leave in order to get my life back on track. It was a very low time in my life and my creativity was totally dead. I had not one dream that I could remember in over three years. I had recurring nightmares and they were very scary!
My mum took me on holiday to Egypt, just the two of us, mainly so that I could re-think where my life was heading. Our resort was bombed and we ended up back at home and in shock. The following day we were woken up by a TV crew at the door. This is where the next chapter of my life started…
Back to Photography
I was interviewed by TV crews and our local newspaper the Shropshire Star. Whilst being interviewed the photographer mentioned that they didn’t have many photographers… I found my next job. I was back to my photography. I found my calling and I realised at that point that out of bad things good things come too. It was a tragedy what had happened in Egypt but I could now start to heal my wounds and with luck other people’s too.
I worked as a photographer for the newspaper and my creativity returned. I would dream, I would have nightmares too but at least my dreams had returned. I enjoyed being at the newspaper as I regained my confidence and ability behind the camera but I knew that it wasn’t for me. I quit and applied for two jobs, one as a publishing assistant and the other as a youth worker and got both. I also started up my own photography and art business at the same time. I was flat out and doing everything that I loved doing!
I am still at the publishing company eight years later but during that time I have managed to mould my role into something much more suited to me. My job title is now Design & Media Manager. I sadly quit the role as Youth Worker mainly due to lack of time.
As Design & Media Manager I get to use my photographic skills, art and design and computing skills all of which I love and thrive from using.
My Love
Now this is where I take you back to my days at University when I felt like I was a cheat. I have realised now that I am meant to be a photographer and above all an artist. Alongside my career and over the past eight years I have been building up my Sand Art practice.
My paintings have been really important to me in terms of being my own personal art therapy and luckily other people have connected with them too and they are selling well too (www.thesandartist.co.uk). But above all what I have noticed is that I am having my creative dreams again. To me this is now normal and reassuring. I also know that the time to change my path in life is the next time that my dreams stop! I no longer feel like I’m a cheat but instead feel very lucky.
Above: An original Sand Painting by Abigail Humphries.